I haven't posted in a long time and for that I apologize. You see, it's not just that my life has been busy. It's that the horrible word "cancer" has once again inserted itself squarely into our lives and somehow it has taken my writing mojo with it.
My neighbor came by one day last week and said that God had told her to read an article and then to give it to me. (Doesn't that immediately get your skin crawling?) She had her boys in the back of the van and was in a rush, but wanted to make sure she got it to me. It was a "miracle" cure for cancer. A holistic one and, as I read it, I found myself angry with her, even though I know how much she was only trying to help.
The last thing my mom or my best friend needs is another "cure" for cancer scheme. I mean, seriously, don't you think that if a holistic herbal way to make cancer disappear permanently and return people to their prior states of health had been found, people would be shouting about it from the rooftops? (By the way, it's called Essaic, guys, if you really want to look into it, but it just reeks of false hope and snake oil salesmen to me.)
Malea invested a shit ton of money into that holistic crap and she's right back in the chemo chair praying for a miracle.
Not that I don't appreciate it. It's just not what I need right now.
I find that people are genuinely sympathetic, but don't know what questions to ask. Are you okay seems trite, doesn't it? Because in these situations, there is no way on earth to be okay.
I've been struggling with what to do with this blog. I don't want to take it down, because there is a lot of good information in it. And I have poured a lot of my soul into it as well. Some of my best writing is on here and one day I would like to go back and do a hardcover book of my posts. Almost 500 of them. Almost 20,000 page views in two years. Not bad for someone who pretty much started as a nobody. I'm no Jenny Lawson, but I can turn a phrase. Apparently.
I know that this is a tough time. I know that tougher times are ahead and I am working out how I will get through that and get on with my life in the "after." I know that I will never be the same person because going through this experience changes you.
And we can still hope for two miracles. But I don't think they're going to come in the form of holistic herbal remedies. If anything, new drugs will be approved by the FDA and they will come before time runs out.
There are a lot of people out there who think that "big pharma" is only in this for the money and don't really want to find a cure. I just don't believe that. As much as I am against vaccinating babies multiple times over their first year of life, I do believe that without at least some of those vaccines, polio would still be around and killing people. The researchers want a cure. They aren't looking to get rich. Cancer drugs and treatments cost a fortune because it takes years to discover what works and create a drug that will be effective.
In the meantime, I will try to post on here a little more often and let you guys know how I'm doing. But I'm much more concerned with how two other people in my life are doing right now. And so, as my gift to them today, I have this to offer.