Thursday, May 31, 2012
24 Ways to Know You've Been Married 24 Years
1. You can't think of anything your spouse doesn't know about you.
2. You text each other grocery lists instead of love notes.
3. You text apologies after an argument. And remind him to pick up dog food.
4. You know exactly what to say to annoy each other.
5. You annoy each other just for the entertainment value.
6. One (or both) of you doesn't bother to close the bathroom door anymore while peeing.
7. You know he can't hear you, but you start talking to him from the other room anyway. And get mad when you have to repeat yourself.
8. You started your marriage with traditional gender roles. Now he does the grocery shopping because he's better at it. And the cooking. You have the sex talks with your sons.
9. You have at least one kid you can't get to move out who really should have moved out two years ago.
10. You used to look deep into each other's eyes and declare your undying love for each other. Now you discuss how much is in the checkbook and what you need from Lowe's.
11. You used to have little people who asked for your food. Now you have big people who sneak your food and raid your chocolate stash after you go to bed. And then put the empty bags and boxes back in the pantry so you'll think you still have food.
12. Speaking of bed, you used to spend the night in each other's arms. Now there are two cats and a dog on your bed and sleep actually is more alluring than sex.
13. You have a bedtime and your children don't.
14. Your husband's mid-life crisis is a bright red convertible that he plans to pass down in the will to whichever child actually moves out at some point.
15. You annoy each other just because you're bored.
16. When you first got married, you attended rock concerts or drove to the beach just to get away for a weekend. Now, a date is dinner out that you cut short so you can get home to let the dogs out. Because your kids won't.
17. You have totally different interests. His interests bore you and your interests bore him.
18. 24 years ago, you couldn't stand the thought of being away from each other for more than a couple of hours. Now, you never have the house to yourself and dream of an exotic vacation. By yourself.
19. You stream videos on your laptop while he watches sports on television so you can be in the same room without wanting to kill each other.
20. When you first got married, you wore sexy underwear that matched. 24 years later, you wear three year old cotton underwear that is a size too small and pray you don't get into an accident.
21. Fun in bed now consists of getting in some extra reading time.
22. He agrees not to tell you you've gained 20 pounds if you agree not to ask him, "Do these jeans make me look fat?"
23. You're driving a 12 year old car with 150,000 miles on it. Because it's paid for and the taxes on it are cheap.
24. You'd marry him all over again, despite all of the above. Or because of it. Because 24 years later, you still know he's the guy that's perfect for you.