Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Would You Like Fries With Your Depression?

I've been fighting a case of the downright depression blues. Yesterday, I stood in my bathroom and sobbed because I felt bad about something so blatantly stupid that I couldn't stand the idea of Justin knowing I was crying about it. And yep, sure enough, when I told him later that I had been crying before we got into the argument discussion about how I spend way too much at the grocery store and he does it better, he told me I was being ridiculous.

Of course, a feeling is just a feeling is just a feeling. So, as much as I know he was trying to make me feel better, I also know that I felt hurt and upset and that was okay.

The fact that the March winds have arrived in April, after a particularly long spate of days that were almost summer like is not helping matters. Winchester is known as the apple blossom capital of the world and the fact that it's been gusting up to 40 mph since Sunday and blowing all of the pretty blooms off the trees is bothering me. Why does this always happen every spring? It gets really pretty outside and then boom. We have hurricane strength winds and they blows all the pretty away. Is someone playing a joke? I didn't realize that Virginia was the wind tunnel of the world.

With all of the various weather changes, I have been moving around like I am 80 years old and bedridden. My ankles creak, my fingers crack, my shoulder feels like someone is stabbing me. Fibromyalgia - the gift that keeps on giving. You know that old saying? When in Texas (or where ever), if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes? I think someone got the state wrong.

I am struggling to figure out whether I want to keep blogging about my life, switch over to an all cross stitch blog, or just read what everyone else is posting. Right now, I am adding more and more cross stitch blogs to my reader just to see what everyone else is working on. Of course, then I want to order more patterns and supplies and hand my credit card to the woman at Hobby Lobby and say I'll take one of everything in your stitching department. No, make that two. No, three...well, you get the idea.

When I started blogging, it was because I was desperately in need of a confidence boost. I had just been fired from my job and I had some things to say about it and I wanted people to hear them. Now, I'm wondering if it's run its course. Not everyone can be a Jenny Lawson or that woman on the TJ Maxx "fashionista" blogger commercial. The internet is such a vast place and how do you carve out a place in it? Especially if you're not sure what you want to "be" on the internet?

I've been lucky in that my blogging accomplished its original purpose. But now, I am finding that my focus has shifted almost entirely to cross stitching and I don't want to write so much anymore. Maybe it isn't a passion so much as it was a need that has now been met?

I've mentioned on here before that I wasn't sure what to do with this blog. I still am not sure what to do with this blog. But I think I am at a cross roads. I need to decide. Am I going to keep writing? Am I going to set up a separate blog for the cross stitching? There's a whole community of stitchers out there and I suspect they don't really want to hear me whining. They want to see pictures. And not of the dog.

But, while I try to decide what to do about this blog, here is a video of my dog and cat...we call them Dumb and Dumber. I think the cat is actually "Dumber." The dog would probably title this "Stay Away From My Junk."


Those animals crack me up.




4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear the weather has been acting up and made you feel bad. Just wondering: have you tried to take magnesium? I've been sick now for over sixteen years with multiple diseases and fibromyalgia is always there. However: besides all the meds and other things, I think the only decent help I ever get with the fibro is from taking huge doses of magnesium. Doesn't cure, but helps to control.
    Good luck with your decision about what to do with your blog!

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  2. I love your video. I have a golden and a cat that play together all the time. I like your blog because it is multi faceted. You get a little bit of everything. I also love hearing about how you save money and declutter also.

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  3. The beautiful thing about blogging is that it's all for you. When I started my blog, I never expected ANYONE to read it. It was just a place for me to do what I want to do. And now, over a year later, I sometimes have to remind myself that I'm blogging for me, and not for my followers. It sounds cold and harsh but it's true. You have to do what you want to do because ultimately, blogging is for you.

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  4. I LOVE the video - sooo cute! :)
    Depression can be a real pain in the bum when it hits, I know. If you're like me, crafting takes you out of that space most of the time, so stitch away!I'm sorry about the pain you get too. I sometimes ache all over but that's usually when I try to do too much.
    I really hope you keep blogging abut your life.I like to see your stitching but I can relate to your life posts. Don't feel pressured to blog every day though as it's too hard and some days I know you just don't feel like it. You write really well though, so I hope to be reading more in the future :)

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