Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Not Gonna Do It...

 I decided today that instead of New Year's resolutions, I'm going to make a list of things I am no longer willing to do. I have lived long enough to feel that if I don't feel like doing something, unless someone gives me a really good reason, then they can, well, you know, go scratch themselves or something.

So, in honor of 2012, here is my list of things I am no longer willing to do:
  • Not do something just because I've been told I can't. You never know if you can or can't do something until you try and if I want to try, then I will try and either fail or succeed. And, in fact, this might be the best way to actually get me to do something.
  •  Keep my opinions to myself out of fear of hurting someone's feelings. I'm tired of walking on eggshells and radical honesty is my new policy. (You've been warned; it's not personal, I promise.)
  • Agree to someone else's unreasonable requests. This includes any writing I might do for anyone. Editing is one thing. Asking me to change a story because you don't like the ending - isn't gonna happen. Asking me to give up the rights to what I've written - not gonna happen. If you request my writing, you get what you get and it will still belong to me. Because I wrote it.
  • Work for anyone who micromanages everything I do. Or refuses to teach me how to do the job. In fact, it's safe to say that I won't be working for anyone again. I love myself enough that I will never fire myself, so it works out pretty well. This writing gig doesn't pay anything, but it gives me enormous satisfaction and I'm leaving my kids a legacy of my life. I think that speaks for itself.
  • My own taxes. We got an accounting firm to do them last year and that was the best money we ever spent. And wow. I don't have to worry about making any mistakes. Win-win.
  • Make appointments for anything in the morning. Well, unless it's surgery and I don't have a choice. I did my morning duties of getting to work by 8:00 and getting the kids off to pre-school for years. Now my kids are older and more independent and, being disabled, I don't have to be at work in the morning. Mornings are tough for me physically and there's a reason that offices are open in the afternoon. For people like me. Because I don't like coffee. And I need two hours to process the fact that a new day has begun.
  • Finish a book that isn't well written. After trying to read The Executioner's Song (Norman Mailer) and wondering what the hell made someone give him an award for that dreck, I have given myself permission to chuck any book that doesn't grab me within 20 pages out the window. Unless it's a library book, in which case I will just return it. Life's too short to read uninteresting things.
  • Do my children's projects for them. They're smart - they can figure it out. If they can't get the grades themselves, tough. I already did school, a lot. If I want to study math again (and why on earth would I?), I will take a class myself.
  • Make the bed as soon as I get out of it. Or put my laundry away immediately when it is done. Okay, I didn't do those things already.
  •  Watch televised sports. Again, okay, I didn't do that anyway. But now I am a member of Amazon Prime and have a newfangled, majorly high definition computer. I can stream movies while sports goes on without me. And still be in the same room with my husband while I do it. Another win-win. And he's really sweet because he will mute the sound so it doesn't bother me.
  • Toss and turn when I can't sleep. When the lights go out and my eyes pop open, I now get up and read or play Words with Friends or watch sitcoms in the dark with my snoring dog until I get sleepy. Because even if I have to get Joey off to school the next morning, I can go back to bed after he leaves. (And I should mention that this ability to not do mornings is thanks to my incredible husband who is (a) a morning person and (b) willing to support me, along with the Social Security Administration. So thank you to both, but mostly to Justin.
Don't you think that after a certain age, you've earned the right to not do certain things just because you're not gonna do them? I asked Justin if he wanted to add to this list some of the things he wasn't going to do and he said the list changes from day to day. I know he won't answer the phone if it's a number he doesn't recognize, go grocery shopping on Saturday morning, paint walls if he can get someone else to do it, empty the dog's anal glands, and schedule appointments. Luckily, I am willing to schedule appointments, we have the number of a vet that does the anal chore (ugh) and someone who will paint for us for a fee, the grocery store is open early on Sunday morning (before the people come), and the phone does not have to be answered.

So here's all of the stuff I won't do anymore (and this may not be a complete list). I need to make a list of things I will do this year, but I've already blown my one resolution (the dollhouse is going back because it scares me), so I'm being careful with this list. It will only be things I know I will do so there isn't that sense of failure come December 31st.


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