Tuesday, December 13, 2011

When Is It Too Much Already?

(Image from cherieiam.blogspot.com)

So, by now you've probably noticed that I have not been posting much. To say my life is in a state of upheaval would be the understatement of the year. Possibly the century.

This year has been the year from hell for our family. My mom was diagnosed with a  rare form of cancer and had surgery to remove the lower portion of her left leg on February 1st. Just as she was recovering, she found out that it had spread to her lungs. Enter intensive chemotherapy for four months which almost killed her on a couple of occasions. Now they are going in on December 27th to try to zap the remaining nodule and we are praying that will put the cancer into remission where it belongs. In January, my parents will be moving to sunny South Carolina to finally live their retirement dream. Unfortunately, that is a long ways from where we live and I have been trying to accept their decision, not always with very much grace.

We lost Justin's dad to a heart attack on July 8th. It was a sudden, unexpected loss and very traumatic for our family. The day of the funeral was the day I found out my mom's cancer had spread. That day may very well stand out as one of our worst days ever.

My best friend, who survived invasive breast cancer in 2009, after six months of grueling chemo, discovered she had ovarian cancer. Then the breast cancer came back in her lymph nodes. Last week, she found out that it had spread to her lungs. Her biopsy is today and I am scared to death. Cancer needs to go away, permanently, in the people that I love. She is 37 years old and has four kids. How can life be so unfair?

Last month, I missed Thanksgiving with my husband and children because I had pneumonia and then an allergic reaction to the antibiotic the doctor gave me. It took me a month to recover from that. Just as I was starting to feel better, last week I got a kidney stone. I'm wondering what's in store for me next and whether I will be sitting in my house alone on Christmas Eve because something new and wonderful has attacked my immune system. Living with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and mental illness is hard enough without having the added bonus of these new assaults on my body. And it's a horrible time for me to be sicker, which is probably why I am. I need to get back to my own "normal" so that I can spend time with my family and friends.

To say this year was hard would be kind of laughable. Let's just come right out and say this year sucked. My mom always told me, "If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything." It's good advice, but it also means that I have shut down completely in the last few weeks. I've barely been on the computer and I figured that if I blogged, it was going to be nothing but negative, whiny stuff that no one wants to read. So I haven't been writing and I apologize for that.

Of course, with the number of blogs out there, you may not even have noticed I was gone and if so, that's okay.

I am trying to be hopeful that the New Year will bring something better. I keep thinking things can't get any worse and then they do. But I have a roof over my head, a husband who loves me, three healthy sons, and the ability to do anything I want to do without someone telling me when and how to do it. Those are priceless things.

I can only hope that God will be kind enough to end all of the bad news and replace it with some good news. I keep thinking there has to be hope, because otherwise, how do you get through the day?


4 comments:

  1. Hi Chelle,

    I'm sorry you have had so many bad things happen this year. I know some times all the bad things seem to happen at once: when it rains it pours, as they say. I have had years like that before. I hope that this coming new year is a good one for you with lots of improvements. I'm sorry your mom and your best friends are both so sick with cancer. It is a terrible disease that affects so many people. I hope they do find a cure for it some day; it seems like many things should be curable that there are no cures for as of yet, even with all of our wonderful technology and our ability to go to the moon and split atoms, etc....
    It's good that you have a supportive husband, and your kids to be with during your difficult times, so that you are not alone in all of this, and you still realize that there are things to be grateful for. But sometimes, it is definitely okay to complain.

    Take care,

    Jen

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Jen.

    I try hard not to whine about my own health problems when I know cancer is a million times worse. I can't even imagine what my mom and my friend are going through and it's hard to watch the people you love go through hell.

    Here's hoping 2012 is a much better year.

    Hugs,
    Chelle

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chelle - Hang in there. Some years are good and some are bad. And some hit rock bottom, as yours did. Be hopeful that it was rock bottom and the only way is up. I'm sorry for your mom and friend that are struggling with cancer. I agree - it needs to be banished.

    Think positive and look forward.

    Merry Christmas.

    Leigh

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks, Leigh. I hope that it can't get any worse. Unfortunately, whenever I say that, it seems to! I'm hopeful for a cure in 2012.

    ReplyDelete

I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to tag back to your blog in the body of your message. Comments are my favorite!