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I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I realized that I am not just angry at this person for lying to me about what Joey said to her. There has been a pattern in this relationship of non-truth telling for the sake of getting me to do or believe something that I do not want to do or believe. And frankly, it's pissing me off.
Justin told me yesterday that I should wait until the kids go back to school on Wednesday to talk to this person so I could think about what I want to say. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's not just the pushing of her religion that is bothering me. I am angry about the entire relationship. I want to think this is a good person. I believe her intentions are good. And I also believe that she has lied in the context of really wanting to be my friend. But the fact remains that there have been multiple lies and I am extremely conflicted about how I feel.
I started a post this morning about the whole religion thing, just to see where I would go with it and by the time I got about 2/3 done with it, I realized that I could not actually post it. But it really felt good to get all those feelings about the lying out onto the page/screen/whatever. The problem is that I have trouble confronting people and I am always the first to back down in the face of an argument. I will apologize when nothing is my fault just because I want people to like me and I can't stand it when anyone is angry at me. It seems like I am always saying I'm sorry, just to avoid conflict. This is not a good way to go through life.
Justin told me this morning that he knew that I was angry, but not about what and that's why he suggested I wait to talk to her. I told him that since I have discovered I am so angry about so many different things, maybe the answer is to not confront her at all, but just to distance myself. The kids will be going back to school on Wednesday, different schools, and Joey is so much older than her children. Maybe I can encourage less and less contact with her and her children as the school year goes on, without having to confront her with angry words and accusations. I have trouble distinguishing between an honest, let's clear the air and get things right conversation and an argument. Since I have so much trouble saying what I mean and sticking to my guns in the face of a barrage of reasons why I'm wrong, maybe it's better to just not have the conversation. But that's kind of running away from what needs to be done. I'm supposed to be the adult here and I'm supposed to protect my child. Can I continue to run away from this issue when it keeps coming up over and over again?
How do you deal with conflict? What do you do when someone lies to you and you catch them in the lie? I would love to hear any suggestions on how to deal with this and how to feel comfortable enough in my convictions to actually have an uncomfortable conversation and stick to my guns. Suggestions are welcome.