|Courtesy Google Images|
Ugh, if I bounce up and down a few times, will I wake up? Who am I kidding. If I bounced up and down, I would hurt myself.
I used to think I was a morning person. I was always the first one into the office when I worked full time. I would scoff at people who would drag themselves in yawning and complaining about how early it was. I was scornful that my boss couldn't seem to get there before I did. (This was a long time ago in a far away land where Princess Chelle was in charge of the office and had the reputation of being something of a "bitch.")
Then fibromyalgia hit...
This morning I dragged myself out of bed at 7:50 and decided that really was as late as I could possibly sleep because the kids go back to school next week. I have got to get myself on some kind of schedule that does not involve my saying to Justin, "I think I'll go downstairs and read for awhile" when he turns out his light at 11:00 p.m., finishing my book while the dog snores, and wondering if I will ever be feeling sleepy again.
The answer is yes. I will be feeling sleepy when I try to wake up in the morning and become something resembling a human being. I'm not a coffee drinker - I can't stand the taste and I suspect it would make me be the usual, complaining, non-morning person I am, but on crack. I'm couldn't sit still long enough to type two words and the caffeine would probably make me shout, "What the fuck was I doing?" periodically. I don't see how that could possibly be a good thing. I'm trying to teach my kids to swear less in the hope that they will not get suspended from school this year (at least for swearing).
I hate being a night owl and having insomnia. Justin believes that I have decided I won't be able to go to sleep, so I have talked myself into it. I say that since I have never been able to go to sleep, we will never know the answer to that question. I do know that if I try to go to sleep before I am sleepy, it's pointless because I will just lie there, getting increasingly frustrated (and even more awake). It's a losing battle regardless of what whether I have already decided it or not. Whether I have made that decision makes no difference because it is such a deeply ingrained and long-term problem that it doesn't matter anymore.
I've started participating in this really cool website called Moodscope, which allows you to chart your moods on a daily (or more than daily) basis. I've done it four times and I seriously suspect that what time of day you take the test determines the outcomes. Since I am awake and alive at 9:00 at night, my score would be probably around 40% or 50%. I just took it this morning and I was at 18%. I think I will come back and try again this afternoon, because I suspect after a shower and some food, I will be much more energetic and happier. Or maybe not.
So far, I've gotten a 44%, a 19%, a 37%, and an 18%, in that order over four days. My chart looks like the stock market. Up, down, up, down...
Fibro definitely affects mood and mood affects fibro. That is the vicious circle I am living while struggling with bipolar disorder.
This morning I opened up Facebook and had no notifications since I signed off last night. I think I need a Facebook addiction treatment facility, because the fact that this made me sad is a serious problem.
I'm going to go take a shower. Maybe I will look less like the pathetic kitty above once I am finished. After all, I will be seeing my mom for lunch and going shopping. It's going to be a great day! Once I wake up.
What was I doing again?