Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Agoraphobia Meets Hell's Weather

Weed Eating Groundhog
This little guy showed up a couple of days ago and started munching on the weeds in our backyard.  Obviously, we needed a weed eater, so I didn't try to shoo him away.  And I missed the shot where he got up on his hind legs, which kind of pissed me off.  Why can't we get rodents to pose for pictures?

Anyway, now Justin has run the mower all over the backyard and the poor little guy will have to look elsewhere for his meals.  Which makes me sad, because shouldn't everyone have their very own weed eating groundhog?  Shit.  Now I want to watch Groundhog Day and eat popcorn.

Anyway, just wanted to show you that it's been so hot here that we are resorting to visiting mammals to take care of our landscaping for us.  Well, until yesterday, when Justin finally had time to go out and cut the grass in spite of the heat.  Or maybe he enjoys the heat.  I don't know - he's out there in it a lot.

But I'm pretty sure that the sign I saw on my Facebook page saying that Satan called and he wants his weather back is true.  It's freaking hot out there.

Of course, I have been putting off my errands all week because I couldn't get myself out of the house.  Thank you, agoraphobia.  I just love it that I'm a prisoner in my own mind!  I finally forced myself out today because if I didn't the good meds were going to run out and we just can't have me unmedicated.  It wouldn't be fair to my family.

I've taken to driving extremely carefully lately, because I know my fear of the crazy ass drivers in our town is totally justified.  There have been a high number of accidents and several deaths at intersections where I frequently sit, so I think that proves that agoraphobia is really just your mind's way of telling you it's too dangerous out there and do. not. go. out.  But today, I had to, so I did.  And my God, it's hot out there!  I could have cooked those waffles I burned on the sidewalk.  I was sweating before I ever got out of the car and the heat slammed into me when I opened the door to get out at the pet store.

I had spent the whole drive over arguing with myself about the pet store.  Because I knew we were going to run out of both dog and cat food and the pet store is right next door to the store where I get my prescriptions filled.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  We need dog and cat food.

Me:  I don't want to go to the pet store.  It can wait until this weekend.

Me:  Just go to the pet store.  It's right by the other store.

Me:  But it's hot.  We won't run out before this weekend and I can go then.

Me:  Be reasonable.  You and I both know you won't go out this weekend and Justin will end up having to do it.  Doesn't Justin have enough to do?  Are you really that selfish?

Me:  Yes.  I'm really that selfish.  But Justin's a nice guy and I'll go to the damned pet store, so shut the fuck up.

Me:

So I went to the damned pet store and the guy was actually nice enough to carry the dog food bag, which weighs more than the dog, out to the car for me.  People are really nice.  What am I so freaking afraid of???  Oh yeah.  That girl that got abducted and raped last week and was released by her captors right down the road from the community college my son attends.  Right.  Don't get gas.  (She was gassing up her car when she was taken.)

I'm pretty sure that the guy in front of me at the stop light didn't actually see me yelling "asshole!" when he stopped for the yellow light.  Because how often have you actually looked in your rear view mirror and seen someone yelling at you for obeying the law?  I'm also sure he didn't hear me ask him (sarcastically), "Can we go now?" when the light turned green.  Probably better.  You don't know who you're yelling at when you go out.  Who in their right mind starts a fight when you're a girl out on your own in a "small town" where drunk drivers kill families of four at stoplights and a girl get abducted and raped when she just wanted to gas up her car?  What the hell?

So, I think, all in all, my agoraphobia is a protective device which has kept me safe.  I mean, sure, the house can seem a little small and cramped when I haven't gone anywhere for a week, but at least I'm not getting plowed into from behind by some idiot who drank all night and decided to get behind the wheel and wipe out a whole family.

Time to move further south...like to a beach somewhere.  I'm taking suggestions.  Make sure it has big windows I can look out of from the safe inside.

Shit.  I've got to go out again tomorrow and I need gas.

Me:  Justin can get me gas.

Me:  Damned right!


Chelle

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