Monday, May 23, 2011

Scatterbrained

Do you ever have a moment when you think you might just be losing your mind?

I am 46 years old (for six more weeks, dammit!) and sometimes I think I might just have early onset Alzheimer's.  I'm sure that my family would laugh at this statement and say Chelle, you are a total hypochondriac.  But sometimes my own absentmindedness really scares me.

Justin has been buying this brownie/cookie mix thing and it looks like it would be really good.  If I could follow the directions so that I could actually make it.  I have tried three times and each time netted 0 brownies/cookies.

The first time, I looked inside the box and all I saw was the cookie mix.  I was convinced that I needed a separate brownie mix to go with it and Justin had forgotten to buy me one.  So I ran up to Food Lion, got the brownie mix and mixed it up.  Then I looked into the original box and realized that, duh, the brownie mix came with it!  I mixed up the cookie mix and put it on top and it wasn't bad, but it wasn't the recipe.

The second time, last week, I tried again and had gotten my butter out and softened it up.  When I went to make the brownie mix (that came with it), I accidentally melted the entire stick of butter to mix in with the brownie mix.  I realized after I did that that I was going to need another half stick of softened butter for the cookie mix that went on top.  So I mixed in another half stick of butter and went ahead and baked it, thinking, well, it's butter.  How bad can it be?  Uh...it was bad.  There was butter actually dripping from the inside of the pan and the whole thing was running, even though I baked it for the right amount of time.

Yesterday, I thought I would give it a third try because I seriously really wanted to try these brownie/cookie things.  So I took out my one stick of butter and softened it up, vowing not to make the mistake of using the whole thing on the brownie mix.  Not checking my directions, I put the softened butter into the bowl with the brownie mix and started trying to mix them.  Um...the butter was supposed to be melted.  I realized this, but thought, hey, maybe I can get away with just using the softened butter.  Except that I was also supposed to put an egg in the mix.  If I had just read the directions and been able to focus, I might have gotten it right that time.  Except I didn't.  I gave up, dumped the whole thing in the trash, and decided I have a mental block against this particular dessert.

Except...

This morning, Joey came down and said, "There's only one pair of black socks in my sock drawer."  I knew this couldn't be true because I had done laundry over the weekend and I remembered putting four pairs of socks into his sock drawer.  So I sent him back up, thinking maybe I had put them in the second drawer of the dresser.  Nope.  I finally went to the "sock basket" (where I keep the socks that got a divorce in the dryer and are waiting for mates) and managed to find two socks that matched for him to wear to school.  (Maybe I should start a sock online dating site.  I certainly have enough unmatched socks just sitting around.)

After eventually gaining total consciousness this morning and thinking about it, I realized that since Joey's socks and mine look an awful lot alike, I thought I knew where his socks were.  Sure enough, I went to the top drawer of my own dresser and there they were.  Five pairs.

This absentmindedness thing is really starting to get to me.  I can't focus on anything for longer than three seconds.  Justin has long said that I have a problem with just paying attention to what's going on right in front of me because I'm already worried about the next three things I need to do.  I know it, but I can't seem to stop doing it.  And frankly, it's scary and it's driving me crazy.  Okay, craziER.

Maybe it's the bipolar.  Maybe it's a form of ADHD?  (Probably not.  I've tried Ritalin and it just gave me a stomach ache.)  Maybe I'm just scatterbrained and hopelessly ditzy.  Or maybe it's the early signs that something is not right with the memory part of my brain.

It's hopelessly frustrating and nobody gets madder at me than me when I do these things.  When I realize I've done them, I think, "How stupid can one person be?"  But it's really all in just paying attention and, for some reason, that is not something I seem to be able to do.

I currently have four different tabs up on my computer, I need to walk the dog, and I have two loads of laundry in.  I need to wake Ben up at 12:30 to make sure he gets to his dental appointment that I just remembered this morning.  (At least I remembered before the appointment!)  I haven't read any of the blogs I keep up with since Friday, so they are stacking up.  And I'm  hopelessly behind on Facebook since I took my little sabbatical last week from the computer and which might not be as bad a thing as I think it is.  Do I really need to know that people think it sucks that it's Monday or what everyone else did all weekend that I didn't do?  Probably not, but there's still a sense of obligation there for some reason.  Facebook is about all of the social interaction I get these days, so I feel like I need to check in.

I think maybe I need a vacation...from myself?

Chelle

 

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