Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Day of Frustration

The last three days have been interesting, to say the least.  We had a friend come down from New York and stay with us to go with Justin to the Redskins/Eagles game.  The dog decided Mike was his best friend and Justin and I spent much of our time while he was here begging Jackson to please stop smelling Mike!

Today, Mike left early to get back home to his family and, just as I was sitting down to write a truly serious post about bipolar disorder and how it has affected my life, the guy who is finishing the shelving units in our family room showed up.  And stayed all day.  And was really loud.  Tuesday was shot before it even had a chance to get going.  I sat at my desk and wrote about a page and a half of total crap, because I simply could not get out what I was trying to express.  I didn't even finish the laundry, the one thing around the house at which I am actually good.

Maybe the subject matter was too personal.  Maybe the sander that ran for a couple of hours rattled me.  Whatever it was, again the creativity was not flowing.  Plus, I didn't have my family room and trusty cable television to run to when I needed to ruminate on how to best get my ideas out in a coherent way.

At any rate, I totally intend to write about my own journey through the hell of bipolar disorder for the last thirty years and the associated stigma attached to mental illness that still prevails in our society, even, sadly, among mental health professionals.  I think it's time that people stop being afraid of individuals who have been diagnosed with mental illness and start treating them as if they were to have any other illness.  Diabetes, say, or heart trouble or high blood pressure.  It's only the brain malfunctioning, just like every other organ in the body does at one time or another, and I am sick to death of being ashamed of the fact that I have a disorder that affects my behavior, feelings, and ability to deal with the real world.  It might be awhile in coming, because writing about this subject is incredibly painful and still embarrassing, but my story needs to be told.  I'm tired of being embarrassed and I'm tired of hiding it because I'm afraid of what people will think of me.

Stay tuned.

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